Convoluted Contradictory & Confusing

The Industry of sex and workers

The community of sex workers often conjures a lot of C-word thoughts. For thousands of centuries in every corner of the world, sex workers have existed. As well as those who want to control coerce and convert these workers. There is another letter that often pops up in conjunction with this industry, “D” - diverse, degrading and dangerous.

Regardless of the point you may want to make about sex workers or the industry they work in, there are stories to match every perception you wish to create. It’s one of the reasons why this industry and any discussion around the laws, rights, and human cost are so convoluted.

Is sēxwrk empowering? Yes, for many it can be, but the reality is it doesn’t matter if it is. Work is fuking work, a way to exchange labour for profit, participate in the economy for the benefit of all, or simply have access to basic human rights that everyone deserves.

Is sēxwrk demeaning? Yes, for many it can be, even for those who enjoy and love their chosen career path. Often because they have to keep it from loved ones, employers, banking institutions, landlords and of course the law.

Some have a feeling of shame and/or pride due to it, but the majority of sex workers, their patrons and supporters often feel they are doing something wrong.

* Even in countries where this diverse community is not considered to be doing anything illegal.

---

The degradation and ostracization of this service and consumer community are often thought to be a tool intended to keep the populous “good.” Governments, religious organizations and even your favourite celebrities non-profits need all of us to continue being hard-working, tax-paying, ethical rule followers to help them maintain power and infrastructure.

Of course there are bad actors in all sex and work industries. As there are in government, NGOs, militia and religious organizations. It is a fact that any group of humans will have flaws that can provide optics to tell any story you wish about them. People lie, bend the truth, twist their versions of reality as definitve facts - it makes it hard to know what the truth on any topic really is. I’ve grown to think there is no truth or lie, only facts presented and represented on how they are wished to be percieved. Most will say the truth always lays deeper and usually somewhere in the middle. I’ll add that at the end of the day, it’s only my own truth that really matters. Staying open to learning others versions and realities will always be intriguing to me.

I have had the luxury to see the dark corners of “kiddy track” and survive. As well as be in the right place at the right time to experience the birth of online porn and know the main player’s strife and struggles intimately. To grow into a leader who does things differently and be driven to try my best to navigate the oldest profession ethically.

Since the age of 15, I have been advocating, mentoring, providing resources for, supporting, teaching and working with by-choice and by-requirement sex workers of many types. I have had a front window pain to observe many sides of it from a unique point of view, witnessing wins and losses. Life-long friendships have evolved, as well as lifelong mourning over the losses of said friends.

Announcing my retirement was one of the hardest fights (with myself) I have ever endured. As I now sit in the finality of it all, I have to laugh at the irony that my own lived experience within the industry of sex can also be summed up as convoluted contradictory and confusing as well.

There are a lot of things I leave this industry confused about. They all boil down to the weight of understanding and accepting the pros and cons of it all. I am learning to seek acceptance that on reflection I can equally love and hate my time in it. Finding solace in writing my thoughts in a dear diary open to haters and lovers alike is a freedom that feels like no other before.

I was once told that there are always other like-minded people in this universe, you just have to be open to finding them. My spin was to search for common ground amongst the most eclectic of people that I outwardly wouldn’t have anything in common with. I accept that I will disagree with their truths at times as much as they will mine. They also know we can have a heated debate about any passionate topic, anytime they are up to one - or just completely get lost in whatever common ground we hold and respect each other by.

When people ask what are you going to do next, the answer is I don’t know - fucking work, just not sēxwrk - and I am at complete peace with that.

( * )( × ) ~ H