Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

For decades I worked in one of the oldest professions, but like most jobs, it was just fawking work.

Whether you love, hate, have your rights protected or taken advantage of, do it for your benefit or the benefit of others - it’s all just work.

A lot of people in my life assume I was a sëxwrker, I don’t care if they do, but the facts are I never was.

As well, many of my “muggle” friends have also been miss mislabelled or assumed to be professional companions or patrons - the cost of being a friend of the infamous (not really) Ms. Harvi Wallbanger.

I have also been caught off guard when close friends entrust me with the fact that they have “also” done this line of work.

I have often said that my lack of self-confidence had prevented me from becoming a sëxwrker. In reality, it was something more sinister.

My first interaction with sex workers was at the age of 15, semi-homeless, addicted to drugs and living in East Vancouver BC. I hung out in “kiddy track” with my girlfriends who did street work, writing down licence plates and eagerly awaiting their return… so we could get high.

Offers were readily available, standing around on those dark rainy streets. The desires to get warm, not feel sick, and just disassociate from my life were strong.

I redirected, and when NO wasn't an accepted answer prideful fuck offs, not you for any price and at least once a window smash to make my point.

For me, the desire to be in control, keep my walls up and not let anyone touch me was just stronger. Although I have met MANY sex workers who have survived sexual abuse and found healing through this work, I would not be one of them.

I did manage to make comfortable amounts of money as a panhandling teenager. I had a great work ethic, hustle and drive - I also had a knack for sales and cunning linguistics. My most successful pitch was a sign that read…

“I would rather ask for money than prostitute myself”

- If it was an honest sales pitch it would have said -

“I tried to give head for money, but I sucked at it”

At the end of the day, those who can not do - should teach, support and advocate.

Here is the thing, my damn tales - they are just that, mine. Yes, I was for many years in a unique position to learn others’ stories - some I will share.

None of these are going to give you a definitive insight into this diverse community, but they might just move you to keep saying #putitinmyMIND.

I don’t think my damn work tales are much different than anyone else’s. The people are diverse, the experiences as well, but at the end of the day we are all part of something bigger than each of us or any one industry alone.

The more you step away from the emotional connections we are all just working, for the benefit and demise of everything. Which one will always differ depending on who and when you ask.

( x )( X ) ~ H